so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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