I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
