Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
