you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
