dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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