It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
