You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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