i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize