i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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