"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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