Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
