Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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