Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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