Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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