you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
