I never want to see another naked old woman again.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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