She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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