I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
