i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Randomize
