I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I smell stomach acid.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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