we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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