Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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