Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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