God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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