she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
