my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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