Your mouth is God's brothel.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
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