I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
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