My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Nicole vs. Life
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
