I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
