ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Sext me about skeletons
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize