Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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