Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
he thought i was a dude.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
