weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
