How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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