So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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