clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
