i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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