smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
