It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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