I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
