just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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