Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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