We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
