I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
We need to get me chipped asap
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
