Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Randomize
