How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
