Your dad touched me again.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize