guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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