how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
