I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
