dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
