2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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