My nipple is on Facebook.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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