when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
