I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
did you just send me my own nude
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize