i would punch a child for taco bell
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
