Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
