The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
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