hotel room ftw
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
