I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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