Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Randomize
