conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
