it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
