my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
