I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
