EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
