Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
