george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
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