i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
