Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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