We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize