does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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