Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
