wanna go halves on a baby?
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
