I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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