i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
