Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
