you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
