I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
